Archives for category: Relationships

It’s all about preparations for advancing life.

Bullying Helps forming character and values, positive bullying; Boy is Bullied

Boy is Bullied. Photo from

It is not preferred for any child to be bullied at all. Yes, in a perfect world; but ours was imperfect. Regardless of one’s developmental stage, class or any demographics you can think of, bullies are sure visitors.

It’s true, a fact of unfair life. I’ve seen (and known) many adults who would break into a fistfight just because someone accidentally stepped on him, or would rant publicly in a waiter’s degraded face because of a trivial mistake of dropping an onion on her lap. These people don’t know how to handle unexpected and disadvantaged events, and it may perhaps because the likes of similar events are never experienced before.

A bullied child will learn how to fight later on. I’m promoting fighting; not to harass but to defend, not to be violent but to be vigilant, and not to be purely emotional but to be justly rational. It’s so easy to punch back or pull the hair of your bullies, but you’ve learned a valuable lesson when you restrained yourself and fought back with integrity.

Experiencing pain early in life only increases your threshold of it. Indefinitely, next time an oppressing force strained you, you knew you got over it, that it’s nothing beyond manageable. I see bullying as a practical teacher from life for the rest of life.

On finale note, there are two sides. It is better to be bullied, that to be the bully.

What’s your view in bullying? Has it changed you?

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No two children are alike, and your birth order appears to sway that difference.

What Your Birth Order Says About You, siblings, birth order psychology studies and findings, awesome children, family, son, cute family, one daughter sandwiched

Photo from photoXpress

You don’t have the choice to be born the eldest, or the youngest, but have you yearned to be born in a different order? Perhaps you despised your eldest bro being bossy, or the youngest being spoiled while you, the middle child, was given the least amount of time from parents. Or have you died in the immense expectations, as the eldest, to be the one that the family will be proud of?

Our birth order affected us.

Renowned psychiatrist Alfred Adler elaborated in his theories that the child’s characteristics are based on birth order. Here are the descriptions by the simplification of Dr. Stein:

Oldest Child

  • Family Situation: Dethroned by next child. Has to learn to share. Parent expectations are usually very high. Often given responsibility and expected to set an example.
  • Characteristics: May become authoritarian or strict. Feels power is his right. Can become helpful if encouraged. May turn to father after birth of next child.

Middle Child

  • Family Situation: Is “sandwiched” in. May feel squeezed out of a position of privilege and significance.
  • Characteristics: May be even-tempered, “take it or leave it” attitude. May have trouble finding a place or become a fighter of injustice.

Youngest Child

  • Family Situation: Has many mothers and fathers. Older children try to educate him. Never dethroned.
  • Characteristics: Wants to be bigger than the others. May have huge plans that never work out. Can stay the “baby.” Frequently spoiled.

Are you the only child, have a twin, the only boy, only girl or in any child position not in the typical above? Head on to Adlerian Overview of Birth Order Characteristics.

A few more interesting findings from birth order studies:

  • Firstborns claim IQ advantage, having more IQ points than the younger sibling. Concurrently, a secondborn is smarter than the third based on IQ.
  • Elders weight more and stood taller than later-born siblings.
  • High-paying professions often inhere with elders, while the “exhilarating life of an artist or a comedian, an adventurer, entrepreneur, GI or firefighter” are for the youngest. Middle children remained a puzzle, as it seems that their record differs profusely.

Psychologist Diana L. Walcutt added that spacing between children matters. It is especially true when the gap went over 6 years, meaning the siblings belonged to different generation of fad, music, events, and even exposed to different administration of governance.

It seems, to my case, that these birth order findings held true. I’m a middle child, and you can only imagine the existing and unsparing competition between me and my elder sister. How about you, what does birth order says about you and your siblings?

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Adlerian Overview of Birth Order Characteristics;
Birth Order and Personality; PsychCentral
The Power of Birth Order; TIME

Meanwhile, there is awkwardness in elevators.

Video: The 10 Most Common Awkward Moments on Elevators

Can you relate?

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Fact: there are more people in Facebook than there were on planet 200 years ago.

Facebook Connects, Facebook World, Facebook Addiction, Facebook Deception, Facebook Thinking, Facebook News, ABC News, 1 billion people in facebook, studies on Facebook, facebook psychology, blue background facebook

Photo from Andrew Feinberg’s flickr

Why You Have Facebook

There are one billion Facebook accounts. While the main use of the social networking site was to ‘connect’, they have seduced us to keep coming back more than once a day. The company itself reported that more the 50% of Facebook active users log in daily. ‘Connect’ is a broad vision, but there are more specific reasons why we keep on letting Facebook trick us to burn something we never know how much we have, time.

1. Need to be social

We are indeed social beings. From the very start of human existence, we long for involvement. We wanted to be part of a group or conversation. And it seems like everybody has Facebook so you don’t want to be left behind.

2. Ease of chat communication

Facebook poses an easy reach of communication. But if Facebook is the easiest and the best mean of communicating is highly debatable. For instance, Facebook’s Events Invitation is so cheap, because most of the time you just invite people without thinking. It is the same way with Birthday Greetings – a thing that became phenomenal and mandatory it almost make every ‘Happy Birthday’ greetings meaningless.

3. Convenience of sharing photos

To share is also an innate urge of humans. We wanted to share photos to those people important to us and who cares about us. It is convenient to do it on Facebook rather than, lets say, an email. But the catch? Majority of your friends list do not care about the photos you upload, especially the lunch you ate or the new planner you’ve got.

4. FB Games

Ah, the era of online gaming. This time, you don’t have to play alone but you can play against your friends or a stranger. The Tetris trend was revived. But for a gamer such as myself, this is not quality gaming worth spending hours everyday.

Why You Can Quit

There’s no argument that Facebook has positive offerings. I just mentioned 4 reasons why we use Facebook; and at some level, I admit, that Facebook can be an ease. But phone and email can already do the ‘connect’ that Facebook is dispensing; and more so was natural and sterling Face-to-Face Communication. We can quit Facebook without losing something substantial.

1. Takes Time

I couldn’t stress enough that Facebook is a waste of our valuable time. It can be a distraction. Talk about that annoying applications, like ‘What is your superhero name’, ‘I found out the cause of my death. What about you?’, ‘Today’s Horoscope’ and many more of naive irrelevance. I know it is fun at first, but now it’s just tiring and rubbish.

2. Promotes Narcissism

I’m wet! Just took a bath
Yummy, lunch for me.
My dog just barfed!
Hair is messy, embarrassing!!

Facebook became a home for useless and senseless updates. These updates only feed the desire to attract attention, which may be a pitiful attempt to improve self-image.

3. Promotes Insecurity

Contrary to its purpose, it drives you away from your friends. It keeps you and your friend separated; secluded from each other by knowing activities they have done without you and your knowledge. Since most in friend list are acquaintances, the site has a low real friend ratio.

4. Unprecedented Effects

  • Happy photos in Facebook is psychologically proven to have made people sad.
  • Sometimes I just find it funny when I see a comment with a mandatory but inappropriate HAHA/LOL in the end. The use of LOL and emoticons is a masculinity problem.
  • Instant Messaging (IM), such as omg,  wtf, haha, lol, y?, u r, trueeee, yea?! and many more are “Linguistic Ruin”. The study of Tagliamonte and Denis proves that IM leads to “breakdown in the English Language”, impairing one’s grammar and spelling skills.
  • After compiling materials from American Psychological Association, verified that FB can harness Narcissistic tendencies as well as anxiety and depression among other psychological disorders. It can also distract children from studying leading to lower grades.

Why are you in Facebook? Why aren’t you in Facebook?

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Facebook: Friends’ Happy Pictures Make You Sad?; ABC News
Linguistic Ruin? LOL! Instant Messaging and Teen Language; University of Toronto
Mr. Darcy Might Have LOL’d: On Male Usage of Emoticons and Laugh-cronyms; The Hair pin
Psychological Study Highlights Negative Impact of Facebook on Teenagers; Techowiz

And same-sex schools are bad for boys.

Nepal Boys, exclusive school, boys friends in school, boys classroom, school children, boy pals, happy school boys, boys in blue shirt and backpacks

Photo from Calista Wang’s flickr

Parents decide on which type of classroom their child will study. It could be exclusive for the child’s gender or co-ed. People will have their own sentiment regarding the benefits of one over the other, but we don’t really until a new study came along to testify.

A study shows that single-sex schools are, apparently, detrimental to the academic performance and social health of boys but not for girls. In fact, it is good for girls.

Boys find girls puzzling, which they really are. But Dr Mary Bousted, general secretary of the Association of Teachers and Lecturers, claimed that boys learn better around girls. The classroom setting seems to need the presence of girls. A co-ed classroom with more girls than boys benefit all students, says Prof. Analia Schlosser of Tel Aviv University.

Schools are supposed to prepare students for the real world upon reaching the age of independence. Same-sex schools do not resemble nor emulate a real-life setting. Reality is that there are two sexes, male and female. You cannot condition students that the other sex is nonexistent. You cannot also teach students valuable interaction skills by secluding them.

It is rather disturbing that the study’s findings indicate that boys from single-sex schools are more likely end up divorced or separated by their early 40s. The research argues, at best, that these boys find it difficult to handle girls.

Do you agree that boys need girls in classroom?

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WhySingle-Sex Schools are Bad for Your Health (if you’re a boy); The Independent
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