No two children are alike, and your birth order appears to sway that difference.
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You don’t have the choice to be born the eldest, or the youngest, but have you yearned to be born in a different order? Perhaps you despised your eldest bro being bossy, or the youngest being spoiled while you, the middle child, was given the least amount of time from parents. Or have you died in the immense expectations, as the eldest, to be the one that the family will be proud of?
Our birth order affected us.
Renowned psychiatrist Alfred Adler elaborated in his theories that the child’s characteristics are based on birth order. Here are the descriptions by the simplification of Dr. Stein:
Oldest Child
- Family Situation: Dethroned by next child. Has to learn to share. Parent expectations are usually very high. Often given responsibility and expected to set an example.
- Characteristics: May become authoritarian or strict. Feels power is his right. Can become helpful if encouraged. May turn to father after birth of next child.
Middle Child
- Family Situation: Is “sandwiched” in. May feel squeezed out of a position of privilege and significance.
- Characteristics: May be even-tempered, “take it or leave it” attitude. May have trouble finding a place or become a fighter of injustice.
Youngest Child
- Family Situation: Has many mothers and fathers. Older children try to educate him. Never dethroned.
- Characteristics: Wants to be bigger than the others. May have huge plans that never work out. Can stay the “baby.” Frequently spoiled.
Are you the only child, have a twin, the only boy, only girl or in any child position not in the typical above? Head on to Adlerian Overview of Birth Order Characteristics.
A few more interesting findings from birth order studies:
- Firstborns claim IQ advantage, having more IQ points than the younger sibling. Concurrently, a secondborn is smarter than the third based on IQ.
- Elders weight more and stood taller than later-born siblings.
- High-paying professions often inhere with elders, while the “exhilarating life of an artist or a comedian, an adventurer, entrepreneur, GI or firefighter” are for the youngest. Middle children remained a puzzle, as it seems that their record differs profusely.
Psychologist Diana L. Walcutt added that spacing between children matters. It is especially true when the gap went over 6 years, meaning the siblings belonged to different generation of fad, music, events, and even exposed to different administration of governance.
It seems, to my case, that these birth order findings held true. I’m a middle child, and you can only imagine the existing and unsparing competition between me and my elder sister. How about you, what does birth order says about you and your siblings?
More Moments for you:
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Adlerian Overview of Birth Order Characteristics; Adlerian.us
Birth Order and Personality; PsychCentral
The Power of Birth Order; TIME
Moment Matters 
I’ve always found birth order studies fascinating, as I am the youngest of my siblings, yet was also born 10 years after my sisters. Thus I feel I exhibit the characteristics of both the youngest child AND the only child. Interestingly enough, both my eldest sibling and myself actually share the same profession, but have taken it in different directions — she has worked for a huge corporation for 25 years, while I created my own business. Birth order is an interesting part of the puzzle of who we are.
So part of the study’s generalization applies to you then. That spacing is adequately long, 10 years. Is it like your sisters are your parents already? You must have a lot of guidance. Yeah, birth order really is something, we can’t just ignore it.
My sisters did not really help raise me per se, but I did develop a strong bond with the eldest because she spent more time with me overall and we found over the years that we shared many interests. Since all of them were out of the house by the time I was 8 or 9, to them I am still the “baby” of the family.
But as I also had many years alone with my parents after that I also acquired some of the characteristics of an only child. In fact, I was my mother’s caregiver in her latter years, but that was due more to proximity than anything else.
Here is another post about birth order and women that I found quite interesting.
My sister is the firstborn, and she really likes her to be treated like a princess. She’s power-hungry too. That article was really pertinent to us, thanks for that =))
What about an only child?
Here’s the situation for only child: Birth is a miracle. Parents have no previous experience. Retains 200% attention from both parents. May become rival of one parent. Can be over-protected and spoiled.
Does it apply to you?
My daughter is the only child, now adult, and that situation has challenges other birth orders do not have. She also was the only child of divorced parents so she shuffled back and forth every weekend since she was about 5yrs old. There are always so many other factors at play in any family situation.
Some of it looks true (I am the oldest of three), but my younger sister is 5’6″, my younger brother is 6’4″, and I am 5’4″. I am not a strict parent, but definitely carried the lion’s share of responsibility and rules when I was growing up compared to my siblings.
Great post for thought!
The height doesn’t apply to us too, eldest sister is the shortest. So is it true that somehow, you’ll get a bit of your parents’ parenting style? I’ve heard that saying.
I was the “baby”, and still ended up taller than everyone else in the family, including my father. 🙂
That height thing is untrue for us too. I’m the middle child, 5’10” tall. My youngest brother is about 5’9″, only 14 years old and still growing. Don’t want to be dethroned as the tallest though HAHA =))
Very interesting. I would love for you to do one on blended families. You always have such interesting topics on your blog. A Joy to read… Thank you.
I am the oldest, the smartest, but … I had the highest paying job.
But.. I was an only child until my family blended. So, the stuff on the first child is “correct” but… when we blended, I never got knocked out of “Position”.
No, thank you!! I haven’t read about blended family, but I think that’s a little more complicated to have generalizations. How old are you when your family blended. Maybe you’re a bit independent enough to be dethroned.. I guess?
Me n my brother n sister are respect each other…
thankz for stoping by to myblog n like my post.
greeting 😉
That’s good man. Thanks for stopping by as well.
Yeah… pretty much none of this holds true for my family. I am always fascinated when I read these type studies because they all make these broad generalizations that a lot of people fit into, but I am pretty much the opposite of the younger child.
I feel like my sister has some of the older child traits.. she’s a mother, and she always tried to mother me when we were kids. I mostly just wanted to be left alone though. 😀
Yeah, these are generalizations. Each family dynamic is unique, I believe. But at some, it speaks to my family so there comes a realization as to why that happens.
Well, I also like to left alone, good thing my sister does that. HAHA she despised me, perhaps because of the “dethronement”. But are you cool with your sister though, or have you clashed a few times because she’s taking the role of another mother?
Honestly, we really don’t have much in common and so we don’t talk a lot. I’m cool with her, but more in a ‘we’re strangers’ sort of way.
Good, thought provoking post… somewhat simplified, compared to other studies I’ve seen, and a bit limited in scope… some of what was related was true in my family, but with some differences, as I was the middle child of 5, with an older sister and brother, and a younger sister and brother… our relationships are a blend of those mentioned, with some differences notable. All in all, very interesting… thanks….
It was simplified, yeah. I’ve got to maintain a blog atmosphere here other than a research catalog. And hey, thanks for reading man!
No worries, mate! It’s a good read….
Middle child too, but also only female. I am placator, mother to all, and keeper of family records and information. I wonder how gender and placement play a role?
Debbie just shared this link about the birth order and adult women. You check it out, it’s interesting =))
Thank you and Thanks to Debbie. It is interesting, think I’ll suggest it to friends.
Very apt timing for this post.
I have a toddler at the moment, she’s 2. My friend asked me yesterday when I’m having my next, I said I had no idea, maybe 4 years, maybe more…she was a little shocked. I hadn’t even thought it would be a problem to wait a few years. “But, don’t you want your children to be friends??” she asked. Do I??? I hadn’t given it any thought. I am a twin, I hadn’t even considered if I wanted my kids to be friends, I had one my entire youth. Food for thought….thanks for this.
Louise
The decision is still at your disposal =)) Though I do think it’s good when your children grow alongside each other, they’d be buddies. Thanks for stopping by!
what about the only child!?!
Only Child: Birth is a miracle. Parents have no previous experience. Retains 200% attention from both parents. May become rival of one parent. Can be over-protected and spoiled.
Would you agree then? =))
i’m basically the definition of perfection, so yes.
I am the middle child. And I have trouble finding a place…
Same here, but what are you gonna do about it right?
Well…. to tell you the truth, and the whole story… I didn’t have a plan, and I wasn’t conscious about this…. but looking retrospectively to my life up to now, I think I’m trying to explore the most of many different realms, many different places… I’m a naval engineer, but as such I devote just too much time to music… I like reading and stuying biological evolution, but as such I “waste” a lot of time reading other kinds of literature, even blogs or technical articles about other things… I love airplanes, but may be I’m not as much time in flying fields as I could be because I’m trying to learn more about photography in general… No, I still don’t know how to put it all together, but I can already tell you I’m pretty comfortable with not belonging properly to anything too much specific. If this is all a complete mess, or if I’m indeed making a different interesting and strange mixture… well, that answer lies in the future!
The Brady Bunch movie and show had it correct–the middle child is the mixed up one, full of anxiety but having significant amounts of diplomacy skills, and usually much more pragmatic.
Much more pragmatic – true that!
I am an oldest child. I fit your description, and my little sister is a definate fit. 🙂
Glad to know =)) Thanks for sharing!